The One

My heart hurts today and my head too. It’s been a hard year. The hardest physical and emotional summer of my life. We brought one child home to heal, sent three on mission trips, two internationally and one locally, three worked as summer camp counselors, two for a few weeks, one all summer, and one attended for several weeks, sent one adventure camping – who returned on probation from her church (is that even possible???), saw my mom through three successive surgeries and put off my own until October, spent time at Children’s Hospital learning one more diagnosis, one more medical language, one more system of the human body, started one more journey down the path of brand new treatments, and sent one back to college.

My brain is tired and a little numb. And the words have turned to ash, clotting in my throat. Dry and impossible to swallow.

It’s hot here in this desert place and lonely.

And not. For I long for the quiet and the still. Moments of rest when I can feel the sun on my face, the breeze on my skin, hear the swell of birdsong and cricket, and the shrill of late summer cicadas. Moments of peace when the voices stop crying out in the wilderness, and I can hear…

The One.

In the quiet. In the still. In the midst. As He breathes life into this dust. Slaking thirst. Feeding the hungry.

Because His love is better than life. And I get that now in this dusty place where words are few, and dry and it hurts to think.

Because all I really need is one. One word.

The WORD, made flesh, Who died that I might live.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” John 1:1


11 thoughts on “The One

  1. Oh, Cindee! I’ve been in that desert place and it is so hard. And yet… there are these amazing small signs of grace. So I pray for eyes to see and ears to hear and REST for all of you, most especially for you, friend. Most especially for YOU.


  2. lynnmosher

    My heart has ached for you for months. You have been through so very much. I know the Lord will bless you mightily and refresh your body and soul. Blessings to you for all you need.


  3. Anne Huffman

    Receive.. Cindee, just receive. Into the place where cobwebs are blocking the light, God is pleased to dust them away. Receive His love. It’s deep and wide. Place all of this on the alter afresh and let the peace of God overflow into every place that needs to receive.
    Be restored. Be restored. Receive grace. Receive grace. He longs to just spend time with you. You don’t have to do anything. Winds of mercy are blowing on you right now. Know Him. Just let Him love you and reveal Himself. Leave all your needs behind and just come to enjoy who he made you to be, His daughter. He loves you like a little child and is drawn to you. Just receive it all. Let it warm you and bring you peace. He has not forgotten you, but is calling you out.


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